There are bad films and there are bad films viewed in an overly warm theater, wedged between a dude that smells like wet dog meets a three-packs-a-day ashtray and a lady so ripe she must be smuggling gorgonzola cheese under her armpits. “The Reaping,” a new “religious thriller starring Hilary Swank (“Freedom Writers”), is the later. Hands down, it is the worst movie I have seen since “The Black Dahlia.”

Think of every “religious” movie Hollywood has churned out and it’s probably in “The Reaping.” This film is the illegitimate love child of “The Omen,” “The Exorcist,” “The Seventh Sign” and “The Ten Commandments.” Speaking of religion, I received a revelation midway through “The Reaping” that someone in marketing will get fired for wrongfully advertising this movie as a thriller. It’s a comedy.

The movie opens in South America, where Katherine Winter (Hilary Swank) and her assistant, Ben (Idris Elba), are investigating a purported miracle at a local church. Apparently an earthquake rumbled through the region and opened the tomb of a priest beloved by the locals. Instead of bones and dust, the body is perfectly preserved. Townspeople are wigging out with dementia and folks are getting sick after touching the priest. Act of God? Winter discovers a local chemical company’s bad dumping practices is the culprit and adds another scientific explanation to her “Miracles Disproved” list.

Winter is a professor at Louisiana State University and when she returns from class after her trip to South America, she has several messages from a Father Costigan (Stephen Rea). Apparently, years ago, Father Costigan served as a missionary in Africa with Winter and her family. After her husband and daughter were killed by local natives, Winter stopped believing in God and severed her relationship with Father Costigan, as he was a reminder of all she lost. Reluctantly, Winter speaks to Costigan and he tells her God is sending a warning to her through him. She is in danger he says. He gathers this from Katherine’s face burned out of every picture he has of her, of which, when put together like a puzzle, make a satanic symbol.

Coinciding with Father Costigan’s return, a visitor, Doug (David Morrissey), from a little Louisiana town called Haven, comes seeking Winter’s help. It seems the town’s river has turned to blood and the townspeople are afraid nine more plagues are approaching fast. They also believe a 12 year-old girl, Loren McConnell (AnnaSophia Robb) is to blame for the current and upcoming plagues. She was found on the banks of the river near her dead brother, who, according to the Sherriff, didn’t have a mark on his body and no cause of death. Dead set on proving “miracles” wrong once again, Winter sets out with Ben and Doug to solve the bloody river mystery in Haven.

This is where the movie turns from intriguing – in an “Exodus Decoded” (on the History channel) sort of way – to completely silly and humorous. The plagues follow one after the other, so no suspense on that front, and the moments concocted by the director, Stephen Hopkins (“Lost in Space”), can be seen a mile away and hence, not one bit chilling. I’ll leave the plot alone, in case you decide to waste your hard earned money, but I’d highly recommend passing on this and also never renting the DVD. That’s almost two hours you can never put back on the clock. Go for a walk, call a long lost friend, sleep – anything but watch this rancid glob of cinema.